Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Do you know what I thought the other day? I thought that my trip away was the first time in forever that I didn't think about the boy who schmushed my heart.

This was a timely thought, because I returned to work and there was an email from the boy. And I thought, good. That's good. Normal email, I'm not upset - maybe we are at the stage where we can just look back on all those years and be friends.

A few more emails passed back and forth and then a question was asked of me, which revealed once and for all that the boy had changed beyond the one I once loved. So while I was disappointed, I didn't feel upset like before. Before I would have been disappointed for expecting more from the boy, disappointed in his words, disappointed in his lack of self awareness, disappointed that there was always an ulterior motive.

No, not today. Today I was disappointed for him - that for whatever had shifted in him had made him so unlikable, and so indefensible and that he didn't even realise. Disappointed that he would now miss out on so much, and that one day everything would turn on its head and look him straight in the eye.

Today I may have deleted someone from my life, and it doesn't make me too sad, so I think it means the time is right to let go. For now this is just life, and my decision, it is a good one.