Dear mother nature

we are pretty much in the middle of winter, so I think you fucked something up.

Longrain

Dear Longrain

It had been too long since I'd last seen you and I had missed you...

I missed your betal leaves with prawn, and your caramilised pork. Oh my god - that pork! How do you make that pork so succulent, like it's deep fried but without a drop of oil, and the sauce all smokey, yet sweet. The kingfish curry was red and smooth and the chicken minced and fried with fresh herbs - all ginger and tang.

Okay so the fit out may be too cool for school, as are most of the patrons, but the food...the food is always amazing.

Thank you for not changing.

Open Letter to Floriade Petting Zoo

Dear Floriade Petting Zoo

This years petting zoo was a little disappointing for a number of reasons.

a) The petting zoo was under a tarpaulin and was not very farm like;

b) A cat in a run is kind of creepy;

c) If Laser Boy wants to feed a goat a bit of hay, you should let him. There was no need to admonish him in front of the entire fake farm and tell him not to. Laser Boy is a guest of our country from another universe, and those mean words are irreparable. Your claims that every child in the petting zoo would now poke the animals in the eye with hay were unsubstantiated. I'm sure being a petting zoo supervisor is very important work, but you pulling rank like that -well frankly it was insulting and an embarrassment to petting zoo employees around the world. You should be ashamed;

d) There was no baby hippo; and

e) When I commented that the chicken eggs were very small (in fact quail like) there was no need to be so defensive and go on with a three minute monologue about the value of very small eggs. I DON'T CARE.