This last week I've been waking up just before dawn, even when I should be sleeping. There is a silence that isn't silence - the hum of cars really is just background noise and gains frequency as the clock ticks on. Eventually the birds wake up, and while it is still dark I try so hard not to think a million thoughts but today (especially) I have failed.
"You see, love liberates. It doesn’t bind. Love says I love you, I love you if you’re in China, I love you if you’re across town, I love you if you’re in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you, I’d like to have your arms around me, I’d like to hear your voice in my ear. But that’s not possible now. So, I love you. Go.” Maya Angelou
A song is playing over and over in my head and I can hear it just like it's real. It's a beautiful song but I wish it would go away.
And between now and writing these words the sky has moved from dark grey to a hint of light and blue, so I'm safe to get out of bed and play some music to block out the soundtrack playing over and over in my mind. Or maybe I should just say fuck it. Maybe I should embrace the song and the thoughts and the happiness and the sadness, because as coincidence would have it I stumbled across some fine words by Maya Angelou. They kinda make for good dialogue to go with the soundtrack and my thoughts but also remind me that there is a beauty to words and storytelling about everyday life. That these words about life, that we can all understand, are just important as words about war and events hard to imagine. I'm struggling to explain what I mean and I wasn't going to copy the words here, because god knows that this blog reads enough (at times) like a 14 year old diary - but they are too beautiful not to share in part and maybe you need some words to warm your heart today too.