Top 100 - I Want Your Sex, George Michael # 77

      

Story by Abi

While at a very strict all-girl boarding school in 1987 we were invited to attend a "coffee night" with the boys from the nearby boys school. Naturally the evening would be fully supervised by the nuns and brothers with the highlight of the evening being a lip-synch competition between the two schools.  Good, wholesome eighties entertainment.  I teamed up with some friends to practise a routine but due to a lot of in-fighting we only managed to agree on a song on the day of the event. That song was Flash Gordon by Queen. I was unhappy with the selection for many reasons but mainly because we didn't have a copy of the song and spent the whole day calling the local radio station asking them to play it so we could record it onto tape. This left very little time for rehearsal and as a result our performance was appalling and the boys kicked our arses with an energetic "Walk The Dinosaur" by Was Not Was complete with a synchronised dance routine.  At this point we believed the night's entertainment was over but a young man named Chaz stood up and asked if he could perform a song he held close to his heart.

Chaz was an interesting character. A very quiet boy, Chaz had few social interactions with any of the girls and was simply seen as shy. In hindsight he was probably autistic or maybe had Asperger's Syndrome.  He could listen to a piece of music just once and then play it on any musical instrument note for note.  For this reason nobody hesitated as he made his way to the stage.  He knelt down at the tape recorder, placed in a cassette and stood silently waiting for the music to start.  This is when things got weird.  George Michael's "I Want Your Sex" started pounding through the speakers and Chaz began grinding suggestively with an almost painful expression on his face.  Clearly the nuns and brothers were unaware of this song (we hadn't reached the chorus yet) but even they looked concerned.  For the rest of us in the audience who knew exactly what the song was - we were transfixed.  And then it happened.  The chorus erupted "I Want Your Sex! I Want Your Oooooh". Chaz unzipped his fly and from inside his underpants withdrew a banana.  By now the nuns and brothers were scrambling onto the stage but not in time to stop him unpeeling the banana and sucking on it.  Chaz was dragged away with very little protest - banana still in mouth - and the coffee night was declared over.  The following day the nuns informed us that we would no longer be allowed to listen to rock music because the devil was brainwashing us through the beat.  Thanks Chaz, but at least everyone forgot how bad our Flash Gordon performance was.


Artwork by Karin