Just like always

A difficult week full of busyness, sickness and a long trip to a city without seeing any city. Some nice things too. Friends, cheese, film, pho, ramen, and ending the week with tuna slop, animal beers, cocktails and making pretty things. There is nothing more relaxing than staring at pretty illumination patterns on the wall - like a very small enlighten festival exclusive to the yellow house.

But now for a second I've stopped and I'm trying to get my bearings because it seems life is catching up. All the tiredness but no sleep and the sickness that is still here and then all the things. Forever the optimist, I want to see the best in everything but every so often I need to chip away at that and I guess that time is now.

So this morning has been put aside to drink tea, eat toast and to do nothing but think. Stupid thoughts, sad thoughts, empty thoughts, nothing thoughts and everything thoughts. 

One thought is that there won't be many more mornings that look like this, which to be honest, just breaks my heart. It's hard to get beyond that thought but for now I think I'm allowed to get stuck on it long enough to stop being busy and make sure I spend enough time watching him run in his sleep, with his little paws twitching around. And it's nice to see that even though so much has changed these past months he still sighs his sleepy dog sigh and every now and then looks up to check I'm still here. Just like before. Just like always.