I wrote this post in my head from Sydney to Canberra tonight, while I had a good couple of hours to think about life, death and friendship.
I would say one of my greatest strengths is that I am loyal - it's one of my biggest weaknesses too. It means I often have pretty intense expectations of my friends, and the people around me. And when I say pretty intense that might be code for maybe unrealistic or unjustified? The only person I think who can out-loyal me is the dog of the yellow house and, well, I guess he isn't a person so doesn't really count. This means the over thinker in me sometimes wonders if I put too great a value on friendships - do I expect too much from my friends, am I hanging around my friends too much, am I a loser? Don't answer any of that, unless it is flattering and reaffirming.
But what brings me to think about all this? Today I paid my respects to a courageously brave woman, who fought a bloody good fight. I can't begin to tell you how amazing this woman was, in that she gave herself years of life - extra bonus years because she was strong and tenacious and was loved.
During the service there was a montage of wonderful photos - pictures of courtship, marriage, children, grandchildren and friends. Some of those photos came to life over a cup of tea, as I was introduced to a life long friend, a lady who featured in those photos taken all those years ago...a loyal friendship that had made their way through nearly 50 years of life by my count. And this lady, what struck me about this lady, was how she valued their friendship. I was introduced to this lady by my friend who had lost her mother, and this lady seemed glad I was there, because as she said - friends are important.
Driving home it struck me that one day I'll be that lady, or maybe my friend will be her - either way, one of us will look back at all those memories and think about our friendship. It made me sad for the now - for the lady and my friend and for everyone who was there today. It also made me sad for the future and the thought of that day for me or for her (or for you, you, you, or you).
At the same time it made think of all my wonderful friends, who have helped me stay sane, made me happy and stuck by me through stuff. I know which ones will be there looking at the bloody montage, and all I can say is you'd better pick good pictures.
And one day I'll be telling those who were too young to remember this day in detail, what an important thing loyalty and friendship is, and how they are lucky, because it's in their genes.
I would say one of my greatest strengths is that I am loyal - it's one of my biggest weaknesses too. It means I often have pretty intense expectations of my friends, and the people around me. And when I say pretty intense that might be code for maybe unrealistic or unjustified? The only person I think who can out-loyal me is the dog of the yellow house and, well, I guess he isn't a person so doesn't really count. This means the over thinker in me sometimes wonders if I put too great a value on friendships - do I expect too much from my friends, am I hanging around my friends too much, am I a loser? Don't answer any of that, unless it is flattering and reaffirming.
But what brings me to think about all this? Today I paid my respects to a courageously brave woman, who fought a bloody good fight. I can't begin to tell you how amazing this woman was, in that she gave herself years of life - extra bonus years because she was strong and tenacious and was loved.
During the service there was a montage of wonderful photos - pictures of courtship, marriage, children, grandchildren and friends. Some of those photos came to life over a cup of tea, as I was introduced to a life long friend, a lady who featured in those photos taken all those years ago...a loyal friendship that had made their way through nearly 50 years of life by my count. And this lady, what struck me about this lady, was how she valued their friendship. I was introduced to this lady by my friend who had lost her mother, and this lady seemed glad I was there, because as she said - friends are important.
Driving home it struck me that one day I'll be that lady, or maybe my friend will be her - either way, one of us will look back at all those memories and think about our friendship. It made me sad for the now - for the lady and my friend and for everyone who was there today. It also made me sad for the future and the thought of that day for me or for her (or for you, you, you, or you).
At the same time it made think of all my wonderful friends, who have helped me stay sane, made me happy and stuck by me through stuff. I know which ones will be there looking at the bloody montage, and all I can say is you'd better pick good pictures.
And one day I'll be telling those who were too young to remember this day in detail, what an important thing loyalty and friendship is, and how they are lucky, because it's in their genes.
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I had never really thought about who might be around at my funeral. Life is long. There is much to happen and much to change before that day arrives (hopefully for all of us).
ReplyDeleteTo answer your questions: you don't put too much value on friendship (iI don't think that's possible); you probably do expect too much of your friends, but that's ok - I expect too much of most things in life and that just means you keep seeking; you don't hang around your friends too much; and you're not a loser. If you were, those friends wouldn't tolerate you hanging around so much.
I know you used the word 'sad' but I've always thought we don't have quite the right word to describe what I think you're saying. Yeah it's sad, but it's not sad sad. It's kind of a contented sad. Or not really. Anyway, I think that was a brave and thoughtful post.
Thanks - the last bit in the middle made me laugh out loud. I needed that.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, sad isn't it - sad is too simplistic. It is wonderful to be loved and missed, and conversely to miss and love someone. But these things are hard to describe.
And I'm not that brave because I've just spent the last 30 minutes typing words and deleting them. To summarise (and without being too 'dear diary') I guess what has occurred to me, is that you people have had to step into the bits of my life that used to automatically be someone else's responsibility. Not 'have to' - you've all done it with natural generosity, which is what friends do. But still, the importance of this struck me today.
Ooh you terribly cute girl! Death makes you reflect in strange ways (I lost a dear friend earlier this year so I know exactly what your talking about)... although I would, like you rather pass from this life having been a loving and loyal friend. That's your gift, it can be a weakness I understand that too however there is nothing like being true to oneself... Dont you think?? I liked your post allot!
ReplyDeleteYou can never put too much value on friendship, however you do need to cut your friends some slack sometimes. My expectations of my friends are way too high, yet then I find myself doing the exact thing that I get annoyed about them doing. None of us get it right. You just need to be there for them when they need it & they for you & forgive a little.
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ReplyDeleteHip Brown - What I lovely thing to say. Thank you! You are right, you need to be true to yourself and if that is being a loyal friend that is a pretty cool thing. I'm sorry about your friend, and thank you again for your lovely comment. The internet is amazing xx
ReplyDeleteAlli you are right. None of us do get it right - we should all remember that! Expectations are funny things, and in the end we often have weird expectations about ourselves.
Oh my goodness, you made me cry again! Gorgeous post my friend. Thankyou so much for being there on Friday. Who else would put a child like Charlotte on their lap (and whose elses lap would she be happy to sit on?). Yes, the old girls who were still there 50 years on are quite an inspiration; we've only got 35 to go!! xx
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